Cutting is dangerous. If your friend accidentally cuts too deep, they may put their life in danger. Your friend also deserves to feel better. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your friend’s parents, try your guidance counselor or another trusted adult. It may feel like you’re betraying their trust, but you are actually being brave by helping your friend get help.

It’s completely normal and ok to feel stressed, worried, sad, angry, confused or other emotions. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Journal, listen to music, or go on walks. Talk to someone you trust, like a guidance counselor, about what’s going on. Even though you seem to understand that self-harming is unhealthy, seeing someone else do it can make it seem normal. Remember that self-harming is not a safe or healthy way to cope with your emotions.

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Talk to your friend about what’s going on. They may tell you the scars are from an accident, or get angry at you for asking. You can’t force your friend to talk to you about self-harm. Let your friend know that you are there for them no matter what. Keep letting them know that you care about them.

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It’s important to be open and nonjudgmental. Don’t say, “Why would you do that to yourself?” or “I can’t believe you’d cut yourself.” Instead, try:

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Ultimately, you can’t control your friend’s behavior. If they’re not ready to accept support or work toward change, you can’t force them. All you can do is keep being there for them.

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It sounds like your friend must be going through a lot right now. Self-harm like cutting is serious and often a sign of something larger going on (like deep emotional pain or a mental health condition). You clearly care about them, and it’s great that you’re thinking about what you can do to be there for them. There are lots of ways you can help a friend who cuts.

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One common misunderstanding is that people who cut are trying to kill themselves. While some people who self-harm are suicidal, most people who self-harm are not trying to kill themselves.

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You’ve got questions.  We’ve got answers. At the Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center, we answer a lot of questions. Topics range from nutrition to pregnancy prevention, and everything in between. Now, we’re bringing these questions back to you with our weekly advice column, You Asked It. Got a question? Send us a message on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, or email us at teenhealthcareorg@gmail.com with “You Asked It” in the subject line.

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If you still have questions, chat with us online or call us at 800.633.6339. Our customer service representatives are available to answer questions Monday through Friday, 8am - 5pm CST.

Whether your friend is ready to talk to you or not, let them know about some ways they can get help when they’re ready. We’ve included some resources below. You could also offer to go with them to talk to a guidance counselor, teacher, parent or other trusted adult.

This column is not intended to provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to you or to any other individual, only general information for education purposes only.

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People cut for lots of different reasons. Some people feel numb, and hurt themselves to feel something. Others cut to punish themselves, communicate how distressed they are, or to distract themselves from emotional pain with physical pain. Often, people cut when they feel so overwhelmed by their emotions that they can’t use other coping mechanisms (like a breathing exercise). We answer more questions about self-harm here.